I can’t afford any of these gowns and there’s a 99.999% chance I’ll never walk the red carpet at the Oscars, but that’s not going to stop me from scrutinizing every outfit. Let’s be honest here – the awards show itself is pretty boring (unless, say, someone reads the wrong card), and most of us are just here for the dresses. Let the rating begin!

Best in (Awards) Show

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Country singers are the GOATS of fashion (I mean, have you ever seen the men of Midland??) and the lovely spacey Kacey stole my heart with this tulle, tiered-cupcake tower dream of a dress.

Top Hits

This tulle number gives me Bjork 2001 Marjan Pejoski swan dress vibes without the costume-y element. It’s unique, ethereal and it’s got POCKETS.

Fresh out of the oven, a spicy hot dumplin! Okay, sorry. But seriously, this dress draws your eyes to her assets in the most flattering way. If you’ve got it, flaunt it, right?

It’s like the love child of the 90s and 2019. The bodice top has a modern feel, but the embellishments, material and sandals remind me of the time when Spice Girls and Britney Spears reigned supreme. Let’s not forget Cinderella was technically a 90s girl, after all.

Simple and dazzling at the same time. Fringe never gets old to me. So versatile and always so eye-catching.

BA classic silhouette that flatters and shines with the help of some glitter (oh, and Octavia).

A black dress doesn’t seem like it would stand out, but the perfect structure of this number paired with her extraordinary curves makes it a winner.

Watch out Khaleesi, there’s a new mother of dragons in town.

This shade of purple can go so wrong, but this is oh so right.

Who cares if you win the Oscar when you are the Oscar.

Can I get an amen?

The color is stunning, the architecture of the dress is interesting and she looks about 5 miles tall.

It gives me headmistress at Hogwarts vibes in the best way. Also, there couldn’t have been a better necklace for that neckline.

I like to see young girls having fun on the red carpet. Super cute and unique!

Not-So Greatest Hits

When you’ve got the Oscars at 8 but sorority formal at 11.

I like this in theory. A shimmery suit? Sounds amazing. Plus, I’m always a fan of a pussy bow. But this look IRL is ill-fitting and confusing. Bonus points for the fab Chanel clutch, however.

She is so charming, but this dress is way too prom/sweet 16-ish for my likings.

Say it with me: Cutouts and rhinestones do not automatically a cute dress make.

I get that it’s warm in L.A. in the winter, but it’s still not summer. This feels so seasonally confused to me, and her very bronzed look doesn’t help.

I thought the Oscars didn’t have a host this year? Okay, bad “Westworld” joke, but she looks straight out of Mae’s saloon.

There’s a time and place for a velvet purple turtleneck. Like, an Alanis Morissette concert, perhaps. Not the red carpet of the Oscars.

It’s not particularly horrid, but it’s just so shapeless and looks like it’s just hanging off of her. This dress is wearing her, and it should be the other way around.

Let’s be honest, she looks like she grabbed her duvet cover and dust ruffle, threw them on, and called it a day.

Bitch Stole My Lewk

We’re seeing double with some of these ensembles.

Most Interesting Trend

Structural love handles? Does this mean love handles are in?? *Smiles and grabs Shake Shack fries*